Collaborative Carnage: The Next Generation

Mutation 50: Stack Overflow Error

by Rob

Mission 00082-A
Divergence from Prime: -311
Divergence ID: StarFire-1a-a
Comments: Divergence appears be a divergence from a divergence, which originated from an alternate future of the StarFire timeline, itself an alternate future of the sealed HellCraft timeline.
Threat to Continuity: Extreme-Plus. Top Priority.
Location: Tristram
Local Date: Irrelevant
Scanning........

Adult Steve said, "Good. I think the temporal backlash is about to catch up with me. Now remember when you get back, don't bring your AD&D books to school, give sis back her panties, that just ain't right, girls don't like-" He paused. "Wait a second. Didn't you just get killed?"

"I got better," said Teenaged Steve.

"Don't try to pull that Monty Python crap on me," snapped Adult Steve. "There won't even be a temporal backlash unless you die."

"Well, that's a good thing, isn't it?"

"Not in this case. Somebody's screwing with the Continuity. All we can do is ride it out."

Adult Steve slapped Young Steve across the head and said, "Listen to me damn it! Get laid or forever regret your virginity."

Suddenly a voice said, "I believe the child will be castrated shortly."

The dark figure of Maximum Evil walked through Tristram coming closer. Young Steve said, "I thought you wrote all those guys out."

"I did too," said Adult Steve. He quickly picked up his piece of paper and started jotting down words. He said, "It's useless. He's impervious to my writing. Some other author must be backing him somehow."

Young Steve screeched like a little girl and said, "What're we going to do adult me. He'll kill us both." Then looking around he noticed Adult Steve had vanished.

Maximum Evil rushed forward swinging his sword at Young Steve. An arm covered in Terran battle armor blocked his blow. A space marine stood in front of Maximum Evil. Lifting up his visor Adult Steve's face was revealed. He said, "COWLORD STEVE FEARS NOTHING!"

"Oh for crying out loud," muttered Adult Steve inside the CowLord armor.

Young Steve cowered behind a building corner and watched as the two titans had a battle royal in Tristram square. Max swiped his sword on to CowLord Steve's armor, to no effect. Then he said, "I summon forth the power of the dark Adversary to aid me in my conquest of destruction!"

Suddenly the sword's blade turned into a wavy cloud of darkness and began to pierce CowLord Steve's armor. CowLord Steve screamed in pain then retreated back a few steps away from the blade. As Max came at him he fired four missiles at point blank range. The missiles hit and carried Max straight in to Pepin's house, crushing the structure as they went through. Then a huge explosion was heard as most of Tristram was blown out of existence.

Young Steve ran out and said, "You did it. You did it. I'm going to be so gosh-darn cool when I grow up. Maybe I should call myself Lord Cool now in preparation."

Adult Steve slapped Young Steve on the back of the head again. He said, "Shut up. I think he may still be alive."

Will you quit hitting me?" complained Teenaged Steve. "I've had it with you!" He turned to stomp away and found himself face-to-knee with an armored behemoth.

"Oh no. Not again."

A blast of heat from the newcomer's gauntlet reduced Teenaged Steve to a pile of blackened bones.

"Continuity is served."

As the smoke started to clear CowLord Steve saw the dark figure emerge from the wreckage. His armor had been split and in some cases destroyed, but he didn't look any worse for it. Then through the smoke CowLord Steve noticed that Max's helmet had been completely destroyed.

He was expecting to see Lord Cool's face staring back at him, but he didn't. He said, "Rob, that you? What the hell I do to deserve this?"

"The unauthorized use of my fanfic characters," answered Rob.

"Look, I already explained that and apologized for it," said Steve.

"That's not good enough," snapped Rob. "This is a question of creative integrity. Maximum Evil and the rest of the characters in Unlikely Heroes are my creations. They're like my children; my friends. Nothing will prevent me from avenging their misuse. Nothing!"

"You are a threat to Continuity," the armored giant told Rob.

"And you keep that over-sized plot device away from me," warned Rob.

"You know he can't do anything to me unless I allow it."

A massive blast knocked Rob off his feet.

"There goes that theory," shrugged Steve as the armored giant advanced on Rob.

Rob leaped to his feet. "I told you that you couldn't hurt me."

The robot began to maniacally run around screaming, "Danger family Dong. Danger family Dong."

Steve said, "Well, that just wasn't supposed to happen. Rob said, "I will admit, this is all quite odd."

"I'm not out of tricks yet," said CowLord Steve. He grabbed three pokeballs from his belt and said, "Dolt, Solo, CowLord, I choose you."

The three fanfic characters appeared before them. CowLord Steve yelled, "Get 'em!"

Rob grabbed the three pokeballs from his belt and threw them out into the fight. Lord Cool, Sugar, and Stupidhead the Weak appeared to fight off Steve's creations. Stupidhead the Weak and CowLord took off for the skies to have a magical battle a hundred feet above the ground. Sugar and Solo got in a grueling mud wrestling contest. Solo had a clear advantage as Sugar had trouble properly maneuvering herself around her above average bust. Fortunately Solo did not have the same problem. Lord Cool ran from a crazed axe swinging Dolt screaming, "Help me Rob. This guy really wants to kill me."

Rob said, "This was a fine day to leave my Diablo's Curse pokeballs at home."

Steve said, "Wait a minute. This doesn't seem right. There should be a temporal backlash now that my teenage self is dead."

There was an explosion. Wave after wave of raw lag energy radiated out from the center of the blast and swept across the globe.

Analysis:
Damage to this unit=0%.
Damage to Tristram=100%.
Damage to Sanctuary=100%.
Damage to Divergence, ID: StarFire-1a-a=100%.

Recommended action: Seal the remains of this timeline from the Battle Net and proceed with mission.
Additional action: Seal Divergence, ID: Rob Sex Fantasy 1a, from the Battle Net.

Continuity is served.


Mission 00082-A
Divergence from Prime: -311
Divergence ID: StarFire-1a-a
Comments: Divergence appears be a divergence from a divergence, which originated from an alternate future of the StarFire timeline, itself an alternate future of the sealed HellCraft timeline.
Threat to Continuity: Extreme-Plus. Top Priority.
Location: Tristram
Local Date: Irrelevant
Scanning........

Adult Steve said, "Good. I think the temporal backlash is about to catch up with me. Now remember when you get back, don't bring your AD&D books to school, stop watching uncle Charlie while he's taking a shower, give sis back her panties, that just ain't right, girls don't like-"

He paused. "Wait a second. Didn't you just get killed?"

"I got better," said Teenaged Steve.

"Don't try to pull that Monty Python crap on me," snapped Adult Steve. "There won't even be a temporal backlash unless you die."

"Well, that's a good thing, isn't it?"

"Not in this case. Somebody's screwing with the Continuity. All we can do is ride it out."

Adult Steve slapped Young Steve across the head and said, "Listen to me damn it! Get laid or forever regret your virginity."

Suddenly a voice said, "I believe the child will be castrated shortly."

The dark figure of Maximum Evil walked through Tristram coming closer. Young Steve said, "I thought you wrote all those guys out."

"I did too," said Adult Steve. He quickly picked up his piece of paper and started jotting down words. He said, "It's useless. He's impervious to my writing. Some other author must be backing him somehow."

Young Steve screeched like a little girl and said, "What're we going to do adult me. He'll castrate us both." Then looking around he noticed Adult Steve had vanished.

Maximum Evil rushed forward swinging his sword at Young Steve. An arm covered in Terran battle armor blocked his blow. A space marine stood in front of Maximum Evil. Lifting up his visor Adult Steve's face was revealed. He said, "COWLORD STEVE FEARS NOTHING!"

"Oh for crying out loud," muttered Adult Steve inside the CowLord armor.

Young Steve cowered behind a building corner and watched as the two titans had a battle royal in Tristram square. Max swiped his sword on to CowLord Steve's armor, to no effect. Then he said, "I summon forth the power of the dark Adversary to aid me in my conquest of destruction!"

Suddenly the sword's blade turned into a wavy cloud of darkness and began to pierce CowLord Steve's armor. CowLord Steve screamed in pain then retreated back a few steps away from the blade. As Max came at him he fired four missiles at point blank range. The missiles hit and carried Max straight in to Pepin's house, crushing the structure as they went through. Then a huge explosion was heard as most of Tristram was blown out of existence.

Young Steve ran out and said, "You did it. You did it. I'm going to be so gosh-darn cool when I grow up. Maybe I should call myself Lord Cool now in preparation."

Adult Steve slapped Young Steve on the back of the head again. He said, "Shut up. I think he may still be alive."

Will you quit hitting me?" complained Teenaged Steve. "I've had it with you!" He turned to stomp away and found himself face-to-knee with an armored behemoth.

"Oh no. Not again."

A blast of heat from the newcomer's gauntlet reduced Teenaged Steve to a pile of blackened bones.

"Continuity is served."

As the smoke started to clear CowLord Steve saw the dark figure emerge from the wreckage. His armor had been split and in some cases destroyed, but he didn't look any worse for it. Then through the smoke CowLord Steve noticed that Max's helmet had been completely destroyed. He was expecting to see Lord Cool's face staring back at him, but he didn't. He said, "Rob, that you? What the hell I do to deserve this?"

"The unauthorized use of my fanfic characters," answered Rob.

"Look, I already explained that and apologized for it," said Steve.

"That's not good enough," snapped Rob. "This is a question of creative integrity. Maximum Evil and the rest of the characters in Unlikely Heroes are my creations. They're like my children; my friends. Nothing will prevent me from avenging their misuse. Nothing!"

"You are a threat to Continuity," the armored giant told Rob.

"And you keep that over-sized plot device away from me," warned Rob.

"You know he can't do anything to me unless I allow it."

A massive blast knocked Rob off his feet.

"There goes that theory," shrugged Steve as the armored giant advanced on Rob.

Rob leaped to his feet. "I told you that you couldn't hurt me."

The robot began to maniacally run around screaming, "Danger family Dong. Danger family Dong."

Steve said, "Well, that just wasn't supposed to happen, but I was kind of expecting it."

Rob said, "I will admit, for some reason I was expecting it too."

"I'm not out of tricks yet," said CowLord Steve. He grabbed three pokeballs from his belt and said, "Dolt, Solo, CowLord, I choose you."

Three fanfic characters appeared before them, Laa-Laa, Dipsy, and Tinky Winky. CowLord Steve yelled, "Oh shit! I brought the wrong belt. I wrote some Tellytubbie fanfics a while back. Now everyone will know my horrible secret."

Rob grabbed the three pokeballs from his belt and threw them out into the fight. Lord Cool, Sugar, and Stupidhead the Weak appeared to fight off Steve's creations.

The Tellytubbies began dancing around Tristram square. Lord Cool grabbed Stupidhead the Weak and said, "Help me Stupidhead, they're scaring me."

Stupidhead the Weak said, "They're scaring me too L.C."

Rob said, "This was a fine day to leave my Diablo's Curse pokeballs at home."

Steve said, "Wait a minute. This doesn't seem right. There should be a temporal backlash now that my teenage self is dead."

There was an explosion. Wave after wave of raw lag energy radiated out from the center of the blast and swept across the globe.

Analysis:
Damage to this unit=0%.
Damage to Tristram=100%.
Damage to Sanctuary=100%.
Damage to Divergence, ID: StarFire-1a-a=100%.

Recommended action: Seal the remains of this timeline from the Battle Net and proceed with mission.
Additional action: Seal Divergence, ID: Rob Sex Fantasy 1a, from the Battle Net.

Continuity is served.


Mission 00082-A
Divergence from Prime: -311
Divergence ID: StarFire-1a-a
Comments: Divergence appears be a divergence from a divergence, which originated from an alternate future of the StarFire timeline, itself an alternate future of the sealed HellCraft timeline.
Threat to Continuity: Extreme-Plus. Top Priority.
Location: Tristram
Local Date: Irrelevant
Scanning........

Adult Steve said, "Good. I think the temporal backlash is about to catch up with me. Now remember when you get back, don't bring your AD&D books to school, quit jacking off in public, stop watching uncle Charlie while he's taking a shower, give sis back her panties, that just ain't right, girls don't like-"

He paused. "Wait a second. Didn't you just get killed?"

"I got better," said Teenaged Steve.

"Don't try to pull that Monty Python crap on me," snapped Adult Steve. "There won't even be a temporal backlash unless you die."

"Well, that's a good thing, isn't it?"

"Not in this case. Somebody's screwing with the Continuity. All we can do is ride it out."

Adult Steve slapped Young Steve across the head and said, "Listen to me damn it! Get laid or forever regret your virginity."

Suddenly a voice said, "I believe the child will be castrated shortly."

The dark figure of Maximum Evil walked through Tristram coming closer. Young Steve said, "I thought you wrote all those guys out."

"I did too," said Adult Steve. He quickly picked up his piece of paper and started jotting down words. He said, "It's useless. He's impervious to my writing. Some other author must be backing him somehow."

Young Steve screeched like a little girl and said, "What're we going to do adult me. He'll rape us both." Then looking around he noticed Adult Steve had vanished.

Maximum Evil rushed forward swinging his sword at Young Steve. An arm covered in Terran battle armor blocked his blow. A space marine stood in front of Maximum Evil. Lifting up his visor Adult Steve's face was revealed. He said, "COWLORD STEVE FEARS NOTHING!"

Maximum Evil removed his helmet revealing not Maximum Evil, but Rob.

He said, "Hey Steve, you get the feeling that we've done this a few dozen times now?"

"Oh for crying out loud, can't we just get this over with already?" muttered Adult Steve inside the CowLord armor.

"Wait a minute," said Rob. "Is that geeky kid a teenaged version of you Steve?"

Embarrassed to admit it, CowLord Steve reluctantly said, "Yes."

"God damn it Steve," said Rob. "You can't go around meeting your past self. You'll create a riff in the whole time space continuum that'll force everything to go into an endless loop like what is happening now."

"Well what do you suppose we do about it?" asked Steve.

Suddenly Maximum Evil emerged from a portal with the AGD fanfic library in the background. Steve said, "Wait a minute, who the hell is that?"

"I am the real Maximum Evil," Maximum Evil said. "Now I'll show you sissies how real men cause pain and suffering."

Rob knelt down before Maximum Evil and said, "Wait a minute, let's talk this through. You can't kill me. I'm your creator."

CowLord Steve watched as Rob's head rolled to his feet. He screamed in horror then retreated back a few steps away from Max. As Max came at him he fired four missiles at point blank range. The missiles hit and carried Max straight in to Pepin's house, crushing the structure as they went through. Then a huge explosion was heard as most of Tristram was blown out of existence.

Young Steve ran out and said, "You did it. You did it. I'm going to be so gosh-darn cool when I grow up. Maybe I should call myself Lord Cool now in preparation."

Adult Steve slapped Young Steve on the back of the head again. He said, "Shut up. I think he may still be alive."

"Will you keep hitting me?" asked Teenaged Steve. " I'm starting to get turned on by it!" CowLord Steve turned to stomp away, and Teenage Steve found himself face-to-knee with an armored behemoth alone.

"Oh no. Not again."

A blast of heat from the newcomer's gauntlet reduced Teenaged Steve to a pile of blackened bones.

"Continuity is served."

As the smoke started to clear CowLord Steve saw the dark figure emerge from the wreckage. His armor had been split and in some cases destroyed, but he didn't look any worse for it. Then through the smoke CowLord Steve noticed that Max's helmet had been completely destroyed. He was expecting to see Rob's face staring back at him, but he didn't. He said, "Rob, that you? Why the hell do you resemble Lord Cool?"

"You are a threat to Continuity," the armored giant told Maximum Evil.

"And you keep that over-sized plot device away from me," warned Max.

"You know he can't do anything to me with your week writing talent."

A massive blast knocked Max off his feet.

"There goes that theory," shrugged Steve as the armored giant advanced on Max.

Maximum Evil leaped to his feet. "I told you that you couldn't hurt me."

The robot began to maniacally run around screaming, "Danger family Dong. Danger family Dong."

Steve said, "Well, that just wasn't supposed to happen, but I was kind of expecting it.

Max split it in two with his sword. "I'm not out of tricks yet," said CowLord Steve. He grabbed three pokeballs from his belt and said, "Dolt, Solo, CowLord, I choose you."

Three fanfic characters appeared before them, Laa-Laa, Dipsy, and Tinky Winky. CowLord Steve yelled, "Oh shit! I brought the wrong belt. I wrote some telletubby fanfics a while back. Now everyone will know my horrible secret."

After watching the telletubbies play for several hours Max said,

"You know what? These little guys have a point. I'm now lost questioning the entire meaning of my life. I know I want to cause pain and suffering, but why? It all starts to seem so clear now. Peace is the answer. I thank thee my repetitive friends."

Steve said, "Wait a minute. This doesn't seem right. There should be a temporal backlash now that my teenage self is dead."

There was an explosion. Wave after wave of raw lag energy radiated out from the center of the blast and swept across the globe.

Analysis:
Damage to this unit=0%.
Damage to Tristram=100%.
Damage to Sanctuary=100%.
Damage to Divergence, ID: StarFire-1a-a=100%.

Recommended action: Seal the remains of this timeline from the Battle Net and proceed with mission.
Additional action: Seal Divergence, ID: Rob Sex Fantasy 1a, from the Battle Net.

Continuity is served.


Mission 00082-A
Divergence from Prime: -311
Divergence ID: StarFire-1a-a
Comments: Divergence appears be a divergence from a divergence, which originated from an alternate future of the StarFire timeline, itself an alternate future of the sealed HellCraft timeline.
Threat to Continuity: Extreme-Plus. Top Priority.
Location: Tristram
Local Date: Irrelevant
Scanning........

Adult Steve said, "Good. I think the temporal backlash is about to catch up with me. Now remember when you get back, don't bring your AD&D books to school, get a blow up doll and lay off the dog, quit jacking off in public, stop watching uncle Charlie while he's taking a shower, give sis back her panties, that just ain't right, girls don't like-"

He paused. "Wait a second. Didn't you just get killed?"

"I got better," said Teenaged Steve.

"Don't try to pull that Monty Python crap on me," snapped Adult Steve. "There won't even be a temporal backlash unless you die."

"Well, that's a good thing, isn't it?"

"Not in this case. Somebody's screwing with the Continuity. All we can do is ride it out."

Adult Steve slapped Young Steve across the head and said, "Listen to me damn it! Get laid or forever regret your virginity."

Suddenly a voice said, "I believe the child will be castrated shortly."

The dark figure of Maximum Evil walked through Tristram coming closer. Young Steve said, "I thought you wrote all those guys out."

"I did too," said Adult Steve. He quickly picked up his piece of paper and started jotting down words. He said, "It's useless. He's impervious to my writing. Some other author must be backing him somehow. Probably with a lame copy-and-paste device."

Young Steve screeched like a little girl and said, "What're we going to do adult me. He'll bruise us both." Then looking around he noticed Adult Steve had vanished.

Maximum Evil rushed forward swinging his sword at Young Steve. An arm covered in Terran battle armor blocked his blow. A space marine stood in front of Maximum Evil. Lifting up his visor Adult Steve's face was revealed. He said, "COWLORD STEVE FEARS NOTHING!"

Maximum Evil removed his helmet revealing not Maximum Evil, but Rob.

He said, "Hey Steve, you get the feeling that we've done this a few dozen times now?"

"Oh for crying out loud, can't we just get this over with already?" muttered Adult Steve inside the CowLord armor.

"Wait a minute," said Rob. "Is that geeky kid a teenaged version of you Steve?"

Embarrassed to admit it, CowLord Steve reluctantly said, "Yes."

"God damn it Steve," said Rob. "You can't go around meeting your past self. You'll create a riff in the whole time space continuum that'll force everything to go into an endless loop like what is happening now."

"Well what do you suppose we do about it?" asked Steve.

Suddenly Maximum Evil emerged from a portal with the AGD fanfic library in the background. Steve said, "Wait a minute, who the hell is that?"

"I am the real Maximum Evil," Maximum Evil said. "Now I'll show you sissies how real men cause pain and suffering."

As Maximum Evil rushed towards Rob, Rob did a very cool move and put his sword behind his back letting Max run straight through it. He said, "I saw it coming."

Stephen Van Ham walked out of the portal holding a pistol in both hands and said, "I won't be defeated so easily!" Then he began shooting randomly through Tristram. Rob was hit by a stray bullet and perished.

CowLord Steve screamed in laughter then retreated back a few steps away from Stephen. As Stephen came at him he fired four missiles at point blank range. The missiles hit and carried Van Ham straight into Pepin's house, crushing the structure as they went through. Then a huge explosion was heard as most of Tristram was blown out of existence.

Young Steve ran out and said, "You did it. You did it. I'm going to be so gosh-darn cool when I grow up. Maybe I should call myself Lord Cool now in preparation."

Adult Steve slapped Young Steve on the back of the head again. He said, "Shut up. I think he may still be alive."

"Will you keep hitting me?" asked Teenaged Steve. " I'm starting to get turned on by it!" CowLord Steve turned to stomp away, and Teenage Steve found himself face-to-knee with a colt forty-five in his face.

"Oh no. Not again."

A bullet from the newcomer's gun reduced Teenaged Steve's head to a splattered pile of brain tissue.

"Continuity is served."

As the smoke started to clear CowLord Steve saw Stephen emerge from the wreckage. He said, "Stephen, that you? What'd I ever do to deserve this?"

"You know what you did," said Stephen. "It's bad enough that you and Rob go around AGD with your fanfics, raising the bar and making competition for me. You know I was the number one writer around these parts 'till you guys showed up, and I never had to work for it either. Now my hands bleed from the typing I do trying to out-do you guys every time. But even worse then that, even worse. I agree to work with you guys on something. I was hoping we could make some sort of peace. We can't go on fighting like this. And you both turn your backs on me and make the sequel without me. You're a bunch of backstabbing fanfic whores, that's what you are."

"You are a threat to Continuity," the armored giant told Stephen.

"And you keep that over-sized plot device away from me," warned Stephen. "You know he can't do anything to me with your week writing talent."

A massive blast knocked Stephen off his feet.

"There goes that theory," shrugged Steve as the armored giant advanced on Stephen.

Van Ham leaped to his feet. "I told you that you couldn't hurt me."

The robot began to maniacally run around screaming, "Danger family Dong. Danger family Dong."

Steve said, "I'm pretty sure it's supposed to do that."

Stephen shot it with his guns.

"I'm not out of tricks yet," said CowLord Steve. He grabbed three pokeballs from his belt and said, "Dolt, Solo, CowLord, I choose you."

Three fanfic characters appeared before them, Laa-Laa, Dipsy, and Tinky Winky. CowLord Steve yelled, "Oh shit! I brought the wrong belt. I wrote some telletubby fanfics a while back. Now everyone will know my horrible secret."

Stephen looked at the telletubies and said, "You are just sick Dong, sick. I thought it was uncalled for when Rob had you eat my penis, but this is so much worse."

Steve said, "Wait a minute. This doesn't seem right. There should be a temporal backlash now that my teenage self is dead."

There was an explosion. Wave after wave of raw lag energy radiated out from the center of the blast and swept across the globe.

Analysis:
Damage to this unit=0%.
Damage to Tristram=100%.
Damage to Sanctuary=100%.
Damage to Divergence, ID: StarFire-1a-a=100%.

Recommended action: Seal the remains of this timeline from the Battle Net and proceed with mission.
Additional action: Seal Divergence, ID: Rob Sex Fantasy 1a, from the Battle Net.

Continuity is served.


Mission 00082-A
Divergence from Prime: -311
Divergence ID: StarFire-1a-a
Comments: Divergence appears be a divergence from a divergence, which originated from an alternate future of the StarFire timeline, itself an alternate future of the sealed HellCraft timeline.
Threat to Continuity: Extreme-Plus. Top Priority.
Location: Tristram
Local Date: Irrelevant
Scanning........

Adult Steve said, "Good. I think the temporal backlash is about to catch up with me. Now remember when you get back, don't bring your AD&D books to school, don't write your thesis paper on methods of sucking your own dick, get a blow up doll and lay off the dog, quit jacking off in public, stop watching uncle Charlie while he's taking a shower, give sis back her panties, that just ain't right, girls don't like-"

He paused. "Wait a second. Didn't you just get killed?"

"I got better," said Teenaged Steve.

"Don't try to pull that Monty Python crap on me," snapped Adult Steve. "There won't even be a temporal backlash unless you die."

"Well, that's a good thing, isn't it?"

"Not in this case. Somebody's screwing with the Continuity. All we can do is ride it out."

Adult Steve slapped Young Steve across the head and said, "Listen to me damn it! Get laid or forever regret your virginity."

Suddenly a voice said, "I believe the child will be castrated shortly."

The dark figure of Maximum Evil walked through Tristram coming closer. Young Steve said, "I thought you wrote all those guys out."

"I did too," said Adult Steve. He quickly picked up his piece of paper and started jotting down words. He said, "It's useless. He's impervious to my writing. Some lazy-ass hack must be backing him somehow. Probably by copying and pasting a bunch of crap and trying to pass it off as original work."

Young Steve screeched like a little girl and said, "What're we going to do adult me. He'll mentally abuse us both." Then looking around he noticed Adult Steve had vanished.

Maximum Evil rushed forward swinging his sword at Young Steve. An arm covered in Terran battle armor blocked his blow. A space marine stood in front of Maximum Evil. Lifting up his visor Adult Steve's face was revealed. He said, "COWLORD STEVE FEARS NOTHING!"

Maximum Evil removed his helmet revealing not Maximum Evil, but Rob.

He said, "Hey Steve, you get the feeling that we've done this a few dozen times now?"

"Oh for crying out loud, can't we just get this over with already?" muttered Adult Steve inside the CowLord armor.

"Wait a minute," said Rob. "Is that geeky kid a teenaged version of you Steve?"

Embarrassed to admit it, CowLord Steve reluctantly said, "Yes."

"God damn it Steve," said Rob. "You can't go around meeting your past self. You'll create a riff in the whole time space continuum that'll force everything to go into an endless loop like what is happening now."

"Well what do you suppose we do about it?" asked Steve.

Suddenly Maximum Evil emerged from a portal with the AGD fanfic library in the background. Steve said, "Wait a minute, who the hell is that?"

"I am the real Maximum Evil," Maximum Evil said. "Now I'll show you sissies how real men cause pain and suffering."

As Maximum Evil rushed towards Rob, Rob did a very cool move and put his sword behind his back letting Max run straight through it. He said, "I saw it coming."

Stephen Van Ham walked out of the portal holding a pistol in both hands and said, "I won't be defeated so easily!" Then he began shooting randomly through Tristram. Rob put a shield in front of his head to block the stray bullet.

CowLord Steve screamed in laughter then retreated back a few steps away from Stephen. As Stephen came at him he fired six missiles at point blank range. The missiles hit and carried Van Ham straight into Pepin's house, crushing the structure as they went through. Then a huge explosion was heard as most of Tristram was blown out of existence

Young Steve ran out and said, "You did it. You did it. I'm going to be so gosh-darn cool when I grow up. Maybe I should call myself Lord Cool now in preparation."

Adult Steve slapped Young Steve on the back of the head again. He said, "I know I did it. I knew it'd take a little more than four missiles to stop him."

Rob said, "And now that Maximum Evil and Stephen have been dealt with, the backlash won't come again until we decide to kill Teenage Steve, so we got some time."

Teenage Steve stubbed his toe on a rock and said, "Ow, it hurts. I think it may be infected."

"Ignore him," said CowLord Steve. "Now what did you have planned?"

"Well," said Rob. "we can kill you before you ever meet Teenage Steve next time and there'll be no more loop."

"Damn it Rob," said Steve. "Why do all your plans always seem to involve killing me in some way?"

"Don't down it. It's a good plan."

As the smoke started to clear CowLord Steve heard Teenage Steve say, "I think the infection has finally spread to my brain."

A few minutes later Teenage Steve died. There was an explosion. Wave after wave of raw lag energy radiated out from the center of the blast and swept across the globe.

Analysis:
Damage to this unit=0%.
Damage to Tristram=100%.
Damage to Sanctuary=100%.
Damage to Divergence, ID: StarFire-1a-a=100%.

Recommended action: Seal the remains of this timeline from the Battle Net and proceed with mission.
Additional action: Seal Divergence, ID: Rob Sex Fantasy 1a, from the Battle Net.

Continuity is served.


Rich G., attorney at law, Time Goddess, time physicist, and Gornul, expert paleontologist all sat with Ken Noone aboard his private jet.

Rich said, "Enough with the fast talk Ken. Let's get down to business. These experts were brought here because there's talk that your new theme park isn't too safe. We want to see if it'd be best to back out and cut our losses."

"I tell you it's perfectly safe," said Ken. "The Boojum computer system is the finest you've ever seen. It essentially takes any fanfic and recreates it into a living environment that can be watched and even interacted with. It'll bring dozens of new posters to alt.roundtable. Right now we're running Collaborative Carnage. The masterpiece put together by three of our most finest authors."

Time Goddess said, "Elementary chaos theory says that it'll all go horribly wrong. You can't expect to control living systems."

Gornul said, "What does all this have to do with dinosaurs?"

Ken said, "Hog wash. You and your pessimistic theories have no bearing in the real world. You'd just shut us down in spite."

"I've heard rumors," said Time Goddess. "Such as that in your version around chapter forty-two one of the LC robots takes off on her own to strike out on another career, something never intended by the original authors."

"I'll admit we've had some slight problems with coding error. But nothing that can't be fixed."

Gornul said, "Look, if dinosaurs never, ever come up in all this, will I still get paid for my time?"

The four exited the helicopter and walked into the main computer system, the heart of the fanfic emulator, where Handy Solo sat alone punching away on his keyboard. He said, "Ken, the whole things gone to hell. Rob, Steve, and Stephen have somehow been sucked into the mix, and now it looks like Steve has done something to mess up the whole time continuum in that world. Everything's stuck in a loop and the system deteriorates more every time it goes through it. The boojum is struggling to keep up, but it's a losing battle. I'm trying to fix as much code as a can, but this story is just getting further and further out there. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out before the Boojum crashes completely and leaves them all on their own."

Time Goddess said, "See, it's already started. It's only time before people start dropping like flies."

"Nonsense," said Ken. "We're all safe as long as the characters don't break through the quantum barrier, which is impossible."

"Oh but it is possible Mr. Noone," said Time Goddess. "In fact elementary chaos theory says it will happen. It also says that Handy will be the first to die."

"Wait a minute," said Handy. "What do you mean I'll be the first to die?"

Suddenly Maximum Evil appeared before Handy Solo and chopped off his head. Max was then sucked back into the fanfic. Time Goddess said, "See, I told you so."

Ken said, "Nobody likes a sore winner."

Rich G. ripped off his shirt revealing a giant G. He said, "This looks like a job for Rich G., super attorney at law. Let's face it, the only way out of this mess is for someone to go into the system and pull Steve out before he ever meets his teenaged self. Then the loop will be destroyed and the Boojum can just play this whole thing out."

Time Goddess said, "Just be careful of the raptors, they're pretty damn intelligent."

Rich said, "What raptors?"

Gornul said, "They appear to have appeared four divergences ago."

Rich G. jumped through the portal not knowing what waited for him on the other side.


Rob, Steve, Stephen, Teenage Steve, and Maximum Evil all sat huddled together in a circle. "Well," said Rob. "Stephen and Maximum Evil can build a women's sauna. Then Steve and his younger counterpart can hang a mistletoe above the door leading out. Then when the women come, dressed only in their towels, I can run up to them and kiss them."

"Damn it Rob," said Steve. "Why do all your plans always seem to involve taking advantage of women in some way?"

"Don't down it. It's a good plan."

As the smoke started to clear CowLord Steve saw Rich jump through a portal and say, "Don't fear. I'm here to save you all and set everything right."

Looking up and seeing a massive missile launcher pointed right at them Stephen said, "Too late. It looks like the raptors managed to invent and build a nuclear warhead while we were all sitting here discussing ways to get laid."

Teenage Steve said, "It looks like those dinosaurs have once again out smarted our combined intelligence."

Rich said, "Those are some smart dinosaurs."

The missile was launched. It was however a dud, but that didn't matter to Teenage Steve, considering it weighed over fourteen tons and landed right on his head. Steve said, "Here we go again."

There was an explosion. Wave after wave of raw lag energy radiated out from the center of the blast and swept across the globe.

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