Mutation 12: Trekkin' Again

by Rob

Stupidhead, Solo, Biff, Dolt, Red Vex, Elsie, CowLord, and the puppy Deathspit watched in awe as the Starship Enterprize landed in front of them. The hatch came down and out walked Captain Jean-Luc Picard. He said, "Greetings, I've been sent here by the Federation to help you."

CowLord said, "I don't know, Kirk was a lot better at captaining than you."

"Kirk was rebellious young go-getter made for his era. I'm twice the realistic captain then he was. I'm stable and tough with my soft side."

"Yeah," said Solo, "but Kirk at least had a little sex appeal. He had a nice piece of ass if you looked at it the right way. You, you look like my grandpa."

Elsie said, "Yeah, bring out Deanna Troy."

Data walked out on the platform and said, "I would just like to say, I am not Spock. Spock had emotions and tried to hide them. I, on the other hand, do not have emotions, but am longing to find them. Big difference."

CowLord yelled, "Only that Spock was cooler!"

Stupidhead the Weak said, "Not to mention that in several episodes you exhibited signs of basic emotion, yet you claim to have no emotion at all?"

Data yelled, "I don't have to take this shit!"

Dolt said, "And what's with this whole where no one's gone before shit. It's where no man has gone before."

"Damn it!" yelled Picard. "That was explained in Star Trek V."

"Oh yeah," said Stupidhead. "Once we've reached the final frontier what's left to milk in a space exploration franchise. Ohh, look, an undiscovered country."

"Speaking of milking sci-fi franchises," said Dolt, "is that Jar-Jar over there?"

They looked over and saw Jar-Jar crawling out of the church. He said, "Me barely escaped with Jar-Jar's life. Jar-Jar now know where they keep Sugar and the secret to destroying the Adversary."

"O my God! It's wretched!" screamed Elsie as she ran and hit him with her sword. Then she hit him again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

"So," said Dolt, "is the guy with the hair thing over his eyes coming out now?"

Geordie stepped out and said, "Fuck you guys," and the Enterprize left at warp twelve.