Collaborative Carnage: The Next Generation

Mutation 48: Will the Real Maximum Evil Please Step Forward

by Rob

Author's note - This is so irresponsible of you Steve. You've been elected as the guy who's supposed to make sure that all fanfics get finished, and you leave this one in limbo. Tempus Fugit has been missing in posting action for quite some time, so without you who'll finish this? As long as I've been invited, I may as well put out a chapter. Of course if TF says he's already started one, then I'll rewrite this to follow the events of his next chapter, but I doubt he's even planning on another posting right now. Hey Rich, you wanted into CC didn't you? Well here's your chance.


Stephen was watching the fight between the multiple Maximum Evils from his library. He pulled out a book titled Unlikely Heroes of Tristram and flipped through the pages. Coming up to the ending he saw the part that needed editing. Crossing out a few words and adding in a few more his preparations had been completed. A blue portal opened with in the library, and a figure dressed in black armor emerged. Stephen said, "What do you know so far?"

The dark figure said, "I know that you are the one who has summoned me. And I know you want me to eradicate my impostors."

Walking over to his crystal ball Stephen said, "Come, look here."

The figure gazed into the ball, watching the battle of the many Maximum Evils take place. A few moments later he yelled, "This is an outrage. These are second-rate impostors slandering my good name. They shall feel the wraith of Maximum Evil!"

Stephen stopped him and said, "Wait, they aren't your problem. Their creator is that older gent over there, Steve Dong. He may however be too powerful to kill. But over there is his younger self. If you kill the younger self, you'll destroy the older one, and in turn destroy all the other Maximum Evils. And, for my payment, with his deletion I'll get my manhood back."

"So it shall be done," said Maximum Evil. Then he turned his sword backwards and ran it through Stephen's stomach. Stephen said, "What? How did you do this? I wrote in a clause that you could bring no harm to me."

Max said, "Foolish mortal. No man would dare try to control over Maximum Evil. I was not created to follow your orders." With that Max tore his sword from Stephen's stomach and turned taking of his head in a spinning attack.

Max held up his sword and said, "Now you shall perish before my sword Steve Dong. Face the powerful blows of Maximum Evil!" Another portal opened and Max ran through it.

Adult Steve said, "Good. I think the temporal backlash is about to catch up with me. Now remember when you get back, don't bring your AD&D books to school, girls don't like talking about fantasy novels, no one will think anything of it if you buy a pack of condemns at the drug store, don't masturbate so much you'll regret it when you get hairy palms later on, and try to join a sport or something. I mean just do anything to get laid. I want to have some good memories of my teenage years when I get back. See you in the funny papers "

Young Steve said, "But the type of woman I'd like would be interested in hearing about fantasy novels, and playing AD&D with me. And I shouldn't try to rush sex. I'm frightened of girls enough as it is."

Adult Steve slapped Young Steve across the head and said, "Listen to me damn it! Get laid or forever regret your virginity."

Suddenly a voice said, "I believe the child will be castrated shortly."

The dark figure of Maximum Evil walked through Tristram coming closer. Young Steve said, "I thought you wrote all those guys out."

"I did too," said Adult Steve. He quickly picked up his piece of paper and started jotting down words. He said, "It's useless. He's impervious to my writing. Some other author must be backing him somehow."

Young Steve screeched like a little girl and said, "What're we going to do adult me. He'll kill us both." Then looking around he noticed Adult Steve had vanished.

Maximum Evil rushed forward swinging his sword at Young Steve. An arm covered in Terran battle armor blocked his blow. A space marine stood in front of Maximum Evil. Lifting up his visor Adult Steve's face was revealed. He said, "COWLORD STEVE FEARS NOTHING!"

Young Steve cowered behind a building corner and watched as the two titans had a battle royal in Tristram square. Max swiped his sword on to CowLord Steve's armor, to no effect. Then he said, "I summon forth the power of the dark Adversary to aid me in my conquest of destruction!"

Suddenly the sword's blade turned into a wavy cloud of darkness and began to pierce CowLord Steve's armor.

CowLord Steve screamed in pain then retreated back a few steps away from the blade. As Max came at him he fired four missiles at point blank range. The missiles hit and carried Max straight in Pepin's house, crushing the structure as they went through. Then a huge explosion was heard as most of Tristram was blown out of existence.

Young Steve ran out and said, "You did it. You did it. I'm going to be so gosh-darn cool when I grow up. Maybe I should call myself Lord Cool now in preparation."

Adult Steve slapped Young Steve on the back of the head again. He said, "Shut up. I think he may still be alive."

As the smoke started to clear CowLord Steve saw the dark figure emerge from the wreckage. His armor had been split and in some cases destroyed, but he didn't look any worse for it. Then through the smoke CowLord Steve noticed that Max's helmet had been completely destroyed. He was expecting to see Lord Cool's face staring back at him, but he didn't. He said, "Rob, that you? What the hell I do to deserve this?"


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