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Presents


Close to You

Dumptruk's Guide to Love and Dating in Tristram

"No love and all war makes a Barbarian a big bore!"

Introduction

All right, you've just hacked your way through legions of vicious demons, you slew the three-headed dragon and defeated the evil wizard. As you kick down the tower door, the grateful princess throws her arms around you. She gives you a smile that would thaw a frost giant and says, "Is that a sword hanging from your belt or are you just glad to see me?"

And you say: "It's a sword."

If this describes one of your adventures, then you picked up (or are having someone read to you) the right book.

There's more to being a Barbarian than killing monsters and racking up huge piles of treasure. Going on quests can be lonely business. You're far from your home village and from people who share your values and customs. You may find it hard to meet nice people, particularly in a town like Tristram whose population has been decimated by monsters.

You've probably already learned that the things that worked back home won't get you too far in a relatively civilized town like Tristram. Back in your home village, if you liked a girl, you'd hit her with your club. If she liked you, she'd put your head through a brick wall and set your father's house on fire, and you'd be engaged.

When a barbarian hits on a girl, he really hits on a girl. But be advised, barbarian girls hit back, and usually pretty hard!
"I bet he's not gonna call either."
"Stupid jerk. I have a much nicer rack than Xena anyway!"

Expressing your affection for a woman by smacking her with an old tree limb is not the way things are done in Tristram. Here are some things you can do that will yield better results:

Next Section: Breaking the Ice

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Last update: Tuesday, April 20, 2004 06:16 AM
Tales of The Boojum.com and all the stories and text contained herein are 1999 - 2004 by Steven Dong.
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